


Oceans

by tobequitefrank



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Alternate Universe, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-27
Updated: 2019-11-07
Packaged: 2020-03-20 06:04:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18986764
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tobequitefrank/pseuds/tobequitefrank
Summary: Frank's the ocean and takes Gerard out to sea.





	1. Chapter 1

_September 1998_

When the new kid first moves in next door, Gerard doesn’t really think much of it. He’ll sometimes sees his brother Mikey and him lazily walking home from the bus stop afterschool, but other than that, he only ever really notices the kid when he’s wrestling with the family dog in their front yard. 

Admittedly, Gerard’s happy – over the moon even – that Mikey’s found a friend who lives so close by, but otherwise, he never really considers Frank in his everyday life. He’s too busy anyway, working, keeping up with art school, and looking after Mikey. He doesn’t have time to listen when they’re in the kitchen eating breakfast as Gerard tries to get him ready for school. 

“ _And_.” It’s probably the first breath Mikey’s taken since he’s been up this morning. “His birthday is on Halloween. _Hallo-ween!_ Like how cool is that, G?” 

Really cool, would have been the right answer had Gerard been listening. But instead, he’s saying “What?” and asking Mikey to repeat himself, because like he said, Gerard’s too busy right now. 

“Halloween. Frank’s birthday is on Halloween.” As if that fact alone is meant to explain why Mikey hasn’t shut up about the kid since he met him. 

Gerard’s just shaking his head, packing the peanut butter and jelly sandwich he’s prepared into Mikey’s school bag, and walking him out the door. While been born on Halloween is pretty damn cool in Gerard’s books, so is getting Mikey to school on time. 

Before he knows it, Frank is tagging along – following behind in Gerard’s footsteps as if the ground is fucking lava. And Frank’s meant to be 16, but Gerard still thinks that’s pretty damn cute. 

“Have a good day at school, Mikeyway.” He’s saying, bending his knees so he’s more his height, and ruffling up his hair a bit. “I’ll see you at home for dinner.” Gerard knows Mikey hates it when he has late classes, but he’s already skipped this one two weeks in a row, so he _really_ has to go. 

Frank’s waving goodbye too then as they step up onto the bus, Gerard smiling back – so super glad Mikey has him. 

*  
Gerard misses his normal train that night and by the time he does get home, left overs are already in the fridge and his parents have gone to bed. But Mikey, he’s laid out on the couch; must have fallen asleep waiting to make sure his brother gets home safe. Frank’s there too, and Gerard guesses he’s staying over for the weekend – not that he’d have to go far for his own bed, but Gerard thinks it’s probably a lot more fun for them this way, anyway. 

“Hey.” Gerard’s cooing gently, kneeling down in front of the couch. “This doesn’t look like your bed.” And Mikey’s stirring, his smile showing once he realises it’s Gerard the voice belongs to. “Come on, up.” Gerard’s heaving Mikey into his arms now, bridal style. He carries him all the way to his room, then puts him down into Mikey’s bed, asking if Frank’s sleeping here too. He watches Mikey respond with a tired ‘Mhm’ and Gerard knows to interpret it as a yes. So, then he’s back downstairs, trying to wake Frank up with a gentle hand on his shoulder, rocking him away. “Time for bed, Frankie.”

And Frank’s eyes half open at that, the steady, glowing light from the TV falling onto his face. “Hmm can’t just stay here?” He manages to get out, his eyes shutting, so Gerard brushes the hair out of his face and tries again. 

“Need me to carry you?” He asks, scooping Frank up the same way he had done for his kid brother. Frank’s eyes are looking right up at Gerard now, this gorgeous puppy dog stare, and Gerard’s almost half tempted to take him to his bed instead. But Frank’s only 16 for Christ’s sake, still a _teenager_ , there’s no reason for a 21-year-old to even entertain the idea. So, he’s straight into Mikey’s bed, and Gerard’s sure to quietly shut the door as he leaves. 

*  
_October 1st 1998_

On the first day of October, Gerard’s mum is asking him to take Mikey and Frank to the costume store – they need to get there early, _before all the good ones are gone_ , and Gerard can totally relate to that. 

Watching Mikey and Frank go crazy in the store kind of makes Gerard wish he was young again. Not that 21 is old, but he knows he should at least _try_ and be the older brother; getting excited about glow-in-the-dark adhesive vampire fangs just isn’t _cool_ , okay? But honestly, Gerard doesn’t even want to be cool, so he’s putting a pair in Mikey’s basket anyway, along with some fake blood and can of diet coke for the drive home.

“Do you think you could draw some fake tattoos on Frank, G?” Mikey’s in the passenger seat, already half way through a bag of sour worms that were _meant_ to be for trick-or-treaters. He’s biting down on one and pulling the end until it snaps, ripping the head clean off. “Like, real cool ones, make him look really tough.” 

Gerard’s holding Frank’s gaze in the review mirror, he’s smiling back as if he _knows_ how good Gerard is at drawing and that it would be totally _awesome_ if he would. “You wanna look tough, huh?” Gerard’s playing, pretending to consider it. “I guess I can see what I can do.” 

So, then they’re back home, Frank laying down on the couch and Gerard sitting cross-legged on the floor, a black sharpie in his hand. “You’re sure your mum won’t kill me?” To which Frank responds “I’m not _really_ sure.” And it’s not making the situation any better but Gerard starts drawing anyway. 

He spends like an hour or two with Frank’s arms and hands and fingers under his skin, drawing all types of crazy things. He’s told Frank not to look, but the little fucker just won’t stop. He’s saying how the sharpie tickles, and Gerard’s telling him that he’ll never be able to get a real tattoo if he can’t even sit through this. 

But once he’s done, Frank’s all goofy smiles and bright eyes, stretching his arms out in front of him saying “Oh my God, I look _awesome_!” Then he’s hugging Gerard around the neck saying thank you and Gerard’s letting the hug go on a little longer than it should, but that’s okay because Frank just keeps hugging back. 

“Gerard, can you do our makeup on Halloween? Please?” Mikey’s pleading, saying they’ll both pay him ten bucks, that Frank wants to a zombie “Like from Dawn of the Dead!” and Mikey’s going to go as a kid who’s been attacked by a werewolf – “But not with too much blood, I still want Melissa Keosh to kiss me.” Which makes Frank roll his eyes and Gerard’s just smiling. 

*  
_October 31st 1998_

Gerard never takes the 20 bucks, although he does help with their costumes – Mikey’s got a hectic scratch across his left eye and a gnarly bite mark on the side of his neck by the time Gerard’s finished, and then he’s taking the stairs two at time to get his outfit on. Frank’s jumping up into the chair next, Gerard asking if he still wants to be a zombie from Dawn of the Dead?

“Definitely.” Frank’s replying, telling Gerard he can do whatever he wants. So, Frank just has to sit there while Gerard does do whatever he wants, and by the time he’s finally decided on where to start, they’re already having a flowing conversation, which Gerard thinks is kinda neat. 

“You should come to the party.” Frank shrugs, causing Gerard to gently hold his shoulders down – it’s only the third time he’s had to remind Frank to _sit still_. “It’s my birthday.” 

“Oh, I dunno know. Parties aren’t really my thing. And besides, I’m a bit too old to party with a bunch of 16-year-olds.” It’s true, Gerard doesn’t like parties, doesn’t like _people_ usually, and hanging around with a whole lot of school kids doesn’t really sound that fun to him.

“Well, I’m almost 17. I’ll be 17 at 10pm.” Frank’s reminding him, to which Gerard smiles, because it’s cute he thinks 17 is so much older than 16. 

“I’ll try make it.” Gerard lies, looking right into Frank’s brown, swimming eyes.

“You better.” Frank’s toying with his lip, and Gerard has to look away because, God, he’s so pretty for an almost-17-year-old. Then Frank’s squirming a bit under Gerard’s touch. “Can I look now? Please?” And he’s dragging out his vowels. 

Gerard sighs in agreeance and let’s Frank jump down off the chair so he can race to the bathroom mirror. 

“Oh dude! I look so _gross_ , that’s fucking rad!” 

Gerard guesses that means Frank’s pretty happy with the result, so he’s packed away the liquid latex and fake blood he’s been using by the time Frank returns. 

“What about you? What are you gonna dress up as?” Frank’s asking, looking up at Gerard with an obscenely amount of hopefulness. 

Gerard frowns. He hadn’t actually thought about it, because well, he wasn’t _actually_ going to go. But it is Frank’s birthday, and it is right next door, so about 2 hours later, Gerard’s gluing on his fake fangs and putting some fake blood around his mouth. That’s enough he guesses, doing up his skinny, black jeans and messing his hair up a bit – if he’s going to hang out with a bunch of school age kids, he’s gotta look like he didn’t _try_. 

“Aren’t you a bit too young to be having a drink?” Gerard didn’t mean to be such a drag, but he had to wait until he was 21, and Frank’s mum doesn’t look the type. “And I didn’t know you liked the Misfits?” 

Frank’s looking down at the shirt he’s wearing and then giving Gerard this expression that’s like _how could you not know?_ and if he had only listened when Mikey went on and on about Frank, then he _would_ have known he liked the Misfits, and a whole lot of other stuff Gerard liked too. “My mum said I can have one drink, because it’s my birthday.” He’s beaming, like it’s the luckiest day of his life. 

“Where’s Mikey?” Gerard’s asking next; it’s actually surprising he’s not glued to Frank’s side. 

“Oh, he’s with Melissa.” And Gerard raises a suggestive eyebrow at that, to which Frank replies with an equally suggestive one. “Yeah, guess she has a thing for werewolves.” 

It’s right about now that the conversation starts to lull, so Frank skulls the rest of his drink, in an attempt to feel more relaxed. Not that Gerard thinks he has anything to be nervous about, he looks great in his zombie get up, and it’s his birthday after all, no one should be nervous on their birthday. “Do you wanna go outside?” Frank asks, throwing his thumb over his shoulder in case Gerard didn’t know where outside was. 

“Sure.” Gerard’s shrugging, following Frank out the back door to sit on some garden chairs in the corner of his backyard. 

“You know, you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to. I know hanging out with kids isn’t really all that _cool_.” Frank’s kicking the grass with his feet, the alcohol not doing all too much for his nerves actually. 

Gerard laughs a bit at that. “What I hear from Mikey, you’re pretty cool.” He’s smiling, really wanting to rest a hand on Frank’s leg to stop it from bouncing. 

“Yeah but you’re like, _older-brother-cool_.” Like it was an actual _thing_. “I’m just, little-brother’s-annoying-best-friend-cool.” 

Gerard guesses that’s true. Although he’s sure Frank _is_ really cool, probably cooler than he is even, he still is Mikey’s best friend – he knows Mikey would never forgive him if Frank started hanging out with him a whole lot more. Gerard also knows how important it is to be cool when you’re young, so he’s reassuring Frank that he definitely thinks he’s just _plain-old-regular-cool_ and telling him he should be getting back inside to hang out at his party. 

“I’d rather hang out with you, though. You’re much nicer and way cooler than anyone in there. Even better than Mikey.” Gerard knows he’s only saying that because he’s so much older than Frank, he remembers thinking coolness came with age once too. “You never laugh when I say dumb shit, and always help Mikey and me with our homework, and you even put me into bed when I fall asleep.” 

And now Gerard really has to get out of here, because he’s definitely sure that if he doesn’t, he’s going to do something completely stupid. It’s obvious Frank sees him as some sort of older brother, and by default Gerard should see him as his second kid brother, so he just has to keep reminding himself that. But there’s a silence in which Gerard just looks at Frank, and Frank just looks at Gerard, undisturbed, until Mikey’s crashing through the sliding door, too much fake red blood smeared across his face. 

“Frank! Frankie! Oh, hey, G!?” He’s trying to catch his breath as if he’s just run a marathon, though Gerard knows it’s definitely from something else. “Dude. _Melissa_. She wants me to take her home.” He’s boasting, this crazy smile plastered across his face. “And get this. She said I can _stay the night_. Dude I’m gonna get laid!” 

Gerard’s eyes widen at that, not wanting to ruin Mikey’s fun, but he knows it’s his time to be the older brother. “Mikes, Mikey, are you drunk? Is _she_ drunk?” Melissa’s standing over by the back door, her tiny bag swung over her shoulder and looking incredibly bored. She’s got matching red blood all over her face, and a whole lot more on her chest. 

“What? No! G, can’t you just be cool for once?” Gerard smirks at the irony of that. “Just cover for me, tell mum and dad I’m staying at Frank’s tonight. Please, dude?” 

And Gerard can’t say no to that face, as long as they're safe and sensible, which he makes Mikey pinky promise to in reply. “You’re so embarrassing.” He’s saying, wishing Frank another happy birthday and giving him a sorry-for-bailing-hug before leaving with Melissa. 

“Mikey’s so cool. All the girls love him.” Frank’s mumbling a bit, standing up and turning to G. “I’m gonna go get another drink. You can go home if you want.” And Gerard’s not really sure what to do. He kind of, sort of, does want to go home. But it’s Frank’s birthday and Mikey just left. “I can stay.” He hears himself saying, Frank’s face lighting up at it and asking “Do you want a drink!?” 

Frank’s a bit drunk now. He knows this because his mum has told him “that’s the last one” after taking another from the fridge. So, he drags Gerard upstairs because he really wants to show him the new Watchmen comic he got for his birthday. And God, Gerard’s just thinking Frank can’t actually be _real_. 

“But anyway, they’re all the ones I have at the moment. Maybe when I get a job I can buy some more.” 

Gerard’s making a mental note of all the duplicate he’s got at home from working at the store. If Mikey had only _told_ him Frank was into comics, he would have given them to him as a birthday present. Or maybe Mikey had told him, he’s trying to remember – then Frank’s talking again.

“Do you wanna go back downstairs?” He’s asking, kind of in a way that’s obvious he’s hoping Gerard will say no. He’s sitting on his bed with Gerard standing awkwardly at the door, and it’s quite strange to be in Frank’s room, it doesn’t look too dissimilar to his own, although the school books and uniform are definitely a stand out. 

“We can do whatever you want. It’s your birthday.” Gerard just shrugs, he didn’t really know what more they could do up here, but he’d be totally fine with just geeking out and reading comics all night, anyway. 

“I kinda wanna kiss you.” 

And holy shit, Gerard’s heart is skipping beats, pulling his gaze up from the floor to look at Frank – who looks like he’s about to vomit from finally asking. Gerard shakes his head, sure, it’s Frank’s birthday, but he’s still way too young. “Frank. Please don’t.” 

“Why not?” Frank’s asking, a confused look on his face. “I’m not gay, if you’re worried about that.”

Gerard laughs to himself – he remembers when he _wasn’t gay_ too. 

“I’m not a kid you know.” Then Frank’s suddenly standing by Gerard, having to look up to meet his eyes. “I’m 17 now.” 

“And you’re also drunk.” Gerard’s stepping aside, he _knows_ how bad this would look if anyone was to walk in right now. “Frank, you can’t say stuff like that. Do you know how old I am? How much trouble you’d get me in? You’re _too young_.” 

Frank’s shying away now, he doesn’t want to get Gerard in trouble, he only wants to kiss him, just to see what it’d be like. Gerard’s always been so nice to him and now he’s being all stern. God, Frank hates himself, as if he’d ever be cool enough for Gerard, anyway. This whole costume party is probably so lame in eyes, and Frank’s already made him stay for way longer than he wanted to. And now he’s drunk and made a complete fool of himself, and he can’t hear anything but the blood rushing to his head and he thinks he’s gonna – 

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” 

*  
_January 1999_

The new year is meant to be for fresh starts, Gerard keeps telling himself, as he’s explaining to Mikey why he’s moving away. He knows Mikey’s doing everything he can to hold in his tears, and he’s thankful for it, because the minute he sees stains on his baby brother’s cheeks, he’ll be crying too. 

“Mikes, it’s just for the rest for the semester. I’ll be back once you’ve graduated.”

And Mikey’s trying to be happy for Gerard, an internship at the Cartoon Network is a _huge fucking deal_ , but he just doesn’t understand why he has to move all the way to New York because of it. “Why can’t you keep getting the train?” He’s pleading, sulking into Gerard’s shoulder now. 

“Mikey, between class and interning, I’d have to go _every day_. And I’d be home so late, you’d already be in bed. I can still come back home every weekend to hang out.”

And Gerard does. For the first month. But then slowly, things start getting more demanding at school and he makes friends with a few New Yorkers who invite him places on the weekend, and ‘every weekend’ turns into every fourth weekend, which turns into every casual weekend, and before he knows it, Gerard hasn’t been home in over three months. 

_June 1999_

But he’s on the phone now to his mum, who’s telling him Mikey’s graduation date and how Gerard just _has_ to be there to surprise him for it, because he’s actually given up hope that Gerard’s even going to come. So, he’s packing his bag that Friday night and getting the train home to New Jersey. 

Like Gerard told him he would be, Mikey’s asleep by the time he gets home, but his parents are so happy to see him and he’s made to sit down and talk about anything and everything New York until he’s crawling into his old bed, waiting for morning to come. 

And when it does, he’s sneaking into Mikey’s room to wake him up with a whispered “Hey” and a huge smile on his face, because he can’t help it – Mikey looks so peaceful tucked into bed and he almost doesn’t want to disturb him.

Mikey’s groaning and trying to turn away. “Don’t wanna go.” He’s complaining with his eyes still shut. But Gerard gets them open real quick with a “not even for me?” and Mikey’s wide awake then, throwing his arms around his brother’s neck with a “What are you doing here!?” in response.

And Gerard doesn’t think his smile could get any bigger, but the happiness on Mikey’s face just makes it grow. “I’m here to watch you graduate!” He says like it’s so obvious. Which it kind of is, but he hasn’t been home in so long, he can kind of forgive Mikey for thinking he wouldn’t show. 

There’s so much to catch up on at breakfast, and Mikey’s telling Gerard how he broke up with Melissa because she’s “way too clingy and really annoying”, and also how he’s still not sure if he’s going to college just yet – the book store says they can up his hours, so saving some money for a year or half might be a good idea anyway. 

“What about your friends? Does Frank still live next door?” Gerard’s asking next, wondering how he’s been.

“Yeah, he does, but we don’t hang out that much anymore. He’s got this girlfriend, Jamia, so they kind of just spend most of their time together.” And Mikey’s saying it like he doesn’t care, but Gerard knows he really does. So, when they’re back home from graduation, Gerard’s straight over there, against Mikey’s wishes. 

“What are you doing?” Gerard tries to say it with so much meaning, and Frank’s just standing right there, looking as gorgeous as ever. 

“Uh – hi Gerard?” He’s saying, this confused look on his face, and a girl standing behind him at the door who Gerard just _knows_ is Jamia. 

“I leave for six months, and you and Mikey not friends anymore or something, huh?” 

“Jesus, what the fuck?” But Frank wasn’t expecting that so he’s telling Jamia to wait inside and giving a kiss on her forehead before stepping out the door. “You’re right, you _did_ leave for six months, so you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.” 

Gerard’s not sure why he’s angry, he just knows that he is. “Do you know how much Mikey cares about you? And what, you suddenly get a _girlfriend_ and forget all about him?”

“You done?” Frank’s standing there with his arms crossed, just waiting for Gerard. “If you really want to know, not that Mikey would ever admit it, but _he’s_ the one who got a girlfriend first. _He’s_ the one who forgot about _me_.”

Gerard’s trying to remember now, back to when Mikey first started dating Melissa, and he guesses that Frank is probably right; Mikey did hang out with her _a lot_ once they got together. 

“So did you.” Frank mutters, and Gerard’s just completely blindsided by that. “You move to New York and just forget about Mikey? Forget about me? I guess I’m just _too young_ for you to care about, huh?” Then he’s back inside, the door slamming in Gerard’s face.

*  
_September 1999_

Gerard makes an effort to call and text Mikey way more often after that. They talk almost every day, and, even though Gerard’s successfully graduated, he’s always trying to encourage Mikey to go to college – asking what he’s interested in, trying to help look for courses. 

“You’re smart, you could probably get a scholarship. You said Frank’s already got one? For when he graduates?” 

“Yeah, at RU, psychology or something. I don’t know. He’s just going where ever Jamia is going, I guess.” Mikey’s bored, looking to hang up soon anyway, they’ve been talking for hours. 

But before Gerard can stop himself “Oh, they still together?” he’s asking, trying to sound nonchalant, at least. 

“Yeah.” Mikey sighs, creating an extended silence before a quiet “Hey, G?” 

“Yeah, Mikey?”

“Do you ever think you’re gonna tell him?” 

Gerard feels sick at that, his brother always knows what he’s thinking, no matter how hard Gerard tries to deny it. “Tell who, what?” He hates how bad he is at lying. 

“Frank. You ever going to tell him you’re in love with him?”

And Gerard scoffs at that, because _in love with him_? That’s just crazy stupid. “Mikey, you don’t know what you’re talking about. He’s – he’s like a kid brother.” 

Then Mikey’s hanging up and they don’t speak about it again. 

*  
_September 2000_

Gerard’s sure that Mikey’s over the moon to have his older brother moving back home, even though he’s old enough to be living in his own place by now, too. But their grandma’s sick, and Gerard would do anything to be able to spend more time with her, even if that means training it into work every single day. 

They’ve been standing in the driveway for the better part of the last hour, Mikey eyeing over Gerard’s new car, letting him know that he’s “totally going to be driving it too, you know?” Which Gerard doesn’t mind, he kind of hates driving anyway; he didn’t get much practice living in New York.

“That yours?” 

Mikey’s looking up from under the hood, and Gerard’s having to turn around, before they realise who the voice belongs to. 

“Uh, yeah. Just picked it up today.” Gerard’s trying not to be weird, but he hasn’t seen Frank in over a year, and his stomach can’t even stop itself from doing back flips at the tattoos Frank now has all over his arms. Way better than his stupid sharpie drawings. 

“You take it for a drive yet?” 

“Only to get it home.” Gerard shrugs, wondering if he should be out driving it now – if that was something normal people do? “You wanna drive it?” Maybe Frank knows some things about cars, he kinda looks like he does now. Then Mikey’s shutting the hood and telling Gerard he’s got some things he’s gotta do inside, and Gerard knows that’s not very specific, but he’s okay with it. 

“Sure, just around the block.” So, Gerard’s passing Frank the keys, then they’re both inside the car, Frank revving the engine with a smile on his face. 

He takes it for a short drive in complete silence, before they’re back sitting in the driveway, but still not out of the car. 

“So, you moving back home?” Frank’s asking, killing the engine. 

“Yeah, just for a bit, I figured. Been working for a while now, need Mikey to keep me sane again.” Then he’s asking Frank how college is going for him and if he’s got any plans to move out anytime soon, to which Frank lets him know that he has already moved out; that he’s just here visiting his parents for the weekend. 

“Yeah, me and Jamia are renting a room together on campus. We’re both doing psychology, so it makes the study so much easier.” He’s joking around, and Gerard finds himself asking once again, “So, you’re _still_ together?” which Frank takes offence to and asks why it’s always been such a big deal to Gerard.

“You know, she’s always been around for me. When Mikey was too busy. When you were gone.” 

And Gerard feels a hot knife through his chest at that, wishing he could take it all back. “If I knew you wanted to stay friends, I would have made an effort, you know?” 

“ _Friends_?” Frank’s trying not to laugh, because he can tell Gerard’s actually being serious. “G, I think it’s pretty obvious I was fucking in love with you.” 

Then Gerard can’t hear anything else, because Frank just said _in love_ with, but it was prefaced with a _was_ , so he’s not really sure what to do with this information. 

“Don’t worry – I know, I was _young_ and looking for _trouble_. I'm over it.” 

*  
_October 31st 2000_

Now on Halloween, Gerard can’t help but be miserable. He’s got an invite to a party that Mikey and Frank are going to, but Frank means Jamia, and Jamia means that Frank’s going to be busy all night, so he’s not really sure if he wants to go. 

Although, Mikey’s pleading with him, saying that he doesn’t want to go alone, and that Gerard really needs to get out and make some friends now that he’s back in Jersey. So, he’s reluctantly agreeing, dressing up as a knight and then splitting a cab with his brother. 

His plan to just get really drunk is easily done, and Gerard hates to admit it, but “okay, this is kinda fun.” He’s watching Mikey trying to hook up with sexy Cat Girl and is almost too preoccupied to notice as someone takes the spot on the couch next to him. 

“I told you all the girls love him.” Then Gerard’s turning to look at Frank who’s sitting there as if he has been the whole time. “Didn’t I?” 

“Uh, yeah, like at your _17th birthday party_.” Gerard’s reminiscing and also realising that Frank must be, what? 19 now? And by _now_ he actually means _right now_ because it’s his fucking birthday. He adds this observation to the end of his conversation, hoping he doesn’t sound too stupid. 

Frank smiles so brightly in reply and says thanks, before giving him a little nudge with his shoulder. Gerard hates how silent it feels despite the constant partying drowning out the room. “Where’s Jamia?” He’s asking, cursing that of all the things he could think of to say, that was number one. 

Then Frank’s busy telling Gerard how she couldn’t get work off even though she _really, really tried to_ , but Gerard’s not listening. He’s too busy watching the way Frank’s hands move when he talks, how his eyes light up and hold Gerard’s stare, how his tattoos come up to meet his hair, how he’s calling his name, wait, calling his name?

“Gerard? You listening? You okay?” 

Gerard’s coming back to reality now, or his warped perception of it at least, because he somehow thinks it’s promptly okay to take Frank’s hand and drag him around the corner into the first room he can find. Then he’s pushing him up against the closed door and bringing their lips together, and it’s like a fucking tidal wave washing over him. Messy lips and teeth and tongue pressing together and crashing over Gerard, taking him out with the tide, and Frank is the fucking ocean. Everything just feels so fucking right, their bodies locked together, breaths syncing, Gerard’s knee slotting in between Frank’s thighs. 

Then he’s hearing “Stop.” And Frank’s pulling away. “We can’t do this.” 

“Why not? You’re 19 now, Frank.” Gerard’s reasoning, trying desperately to reconnect their lips. 

But Frank’s got his palm against his chest, holding him back. “I have a girlfriend, Gerard.” And Gerard guesses that’s a pretty damn good reason. 

“I wanted to kiss you at your 17th birthday.” Gerard can’t even stop his word vomit now. “Before then even, but you were just so young.”

“You asked me not to, though?” Frank’s still holding him back, eyes wandering all over Gerard’s body. 

“Because I’m stupid. I’m fucking stupid. I thought if you kissed me, I wouldn’t be able to stop, but I don’t ever want to stop.” And Frank lets him kiss him again at that, the words sounding like everything Frank ever wanted to hear. 

But then he’s pulling back again, way too quickly, lots of pain in his eyes. “G, I’m sorry. I just – you weren’t there. When I needed you. She was. I wanted this more than anything, and it’s, you’re too late.”

 _Too late_ just burns right into Gerard’s skull, taunting him and he can’t think, can’t talk, can’t fucking _breathe_. He’s on his knees now, pleading, hands locked together as he tries not to cry. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ just spills out over and over again, and Frank’s hands disappear into Gerard’s hair. “Please, don’t let me do this.” He’s begging too, wishing more than anything to be 17 again. 

Gerard wants him to do it though, wants him to do it more than he wants to fucking live. But not like this. So, he’s standing up, eyes all red, and telling Frankie that he has to go. 

*  
_December 24th 2000_

Gerard loves the snow, maybe even more than he loves the fall. Not only is it insanely nostalgic for him, but it also means that it’s even more unlikely to need to be outside. So, the fact he’s standing at the front door right now, on Christmas eve, a foot of snow gathering on the front porch, is quite confusing for his brain – unsure whether to be annoyed or wistful. 

Except, it’s Frank’s mum standing at the door, all rugged up but still shivering cold. Gerard’s asking her to come inside, into the warmth, while she’s explaining that her car won’t start and that’s a problem because she was "meant to go pick up Frank from RU and bring him home for Christmas". Gerard’s not really sure how he’s meant to help, until she says she noticed his car was in the garage; maybe he could go and pick him up? That she understands it’s a lot to ask, but Gerard’s agreeing straight away and then lets his parents know he’ll be back in time for supper. 

Gerard doesn’t realise that Frank’s mum neglects to tell him that he’s picking him up, so by the time he gets there, Frank’s overtly surprised. He doesn’t know what to say, except a small “hello?” and then Gerard’s standing there awkwardly like usual before being invited inside. 

The campus dorm is kind of weird, but Gerard’s still slightly jealous that he never got to experience it. Frank’s telling him to sit down and making some coffee, not even asking Gerard how he wants his, he just seems to know. 

Then that stupid question comes out of Gerard’s mouth again “Where’s Jamia?” as if she’s all he can fucking think about in Frank’s presence. Which isn’t really a lie, because _Frank’s_ all he can fucking think about in Frank’s presence, and she sort of comes along with him. 

In reply, Frank’s awkwardly telling Gerard how they aren’t really together anymore, that they’re going through some shit; _need time apart to think things through_. Gerard’s kind of upset by this, wondering why Frank didn’t call him straight away, confess his love to him, ask him to come over, at the very least. And he’s too busy day dreaming again to hear Frank when he says “look, I think we should talk?” so he has to repeat himself, but this time, not as a question. 

Gerard’s the first one to speak, Frank sitting beside him now, coffee down on the aptly named table in front of them. “I wish I still had a hold on you, like you do, around my throat.” And Frank’s not really sure what he means by that. Then “I think I’m in love with you.” And those words seem to rip apart at the seams of Gerard’s heart. “I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.” So, Frank’s trying to think back to when that was – when he first moved in, noticing Gerard as the cool older brother who lived next door. “And I know I fucked up, that I’m too late, and that you love someone else-” 

Frank’s finally shaking his head, using a hand to turn Gerard’s face towards him. “It’s still you.” He’s breathing. “Always been you. And I’ve been wishing, that you’d let me go, _begging_ that you’d let me go, but now I’m not sure if I still want you to.” 

“I won’t, I _can’t_ , especially if you don’t want me to.” Gerard’s scrunching his eyes closed, only to stop himself from crying. “Whatever you want, Frankie. I just want whatever you want.” 

Then, so quietly, as if he’s not sure of Gerard’s answer, “I kinda wanna kiss you.” And he doesn’t even have time to open his eyes before Frank’s finishing his statement with a kiss. Although, it’s not just any type of kiss, it’s a _I’ve been in love with you all my life_ type of kiss, and Gerard’s giving it back just as hard, because it’s all he wants to do. Then he’s pushing Frank down onto the couch, before crawling on top of him, lips staying locked the whole time. His tongue’s exploring every part of Frank’s mouth as if he’s scared that once he pulls away, he’ll be gone for good. “I fucking love you.” He’s saying into the kiss, repeating it so many times. Words have never felt so good. “Frank, I fucking love you.” 

And Frank’s smiling back into the kiss, because it’s like his whole life he’s been waiting for Gerard to say that to him, hoping and praying this won’t ever stop. “I fucking love you, too.” He’s replying, letting Gerard’s hands finally touch against his stomach as he slides his shirt up. And fuck it feels so good – like Gerard’s hands were made for this, made for _Frank_. “Just don’t ever leave me again.” He’s pleading, actual tears rolling down his face, because he can’t help it. It’s overwhelming, it’s everything he’s ever wanted, all happening at once.

Then Gerard’s feeling cold, sticky, wetness on his cheeks, realising that it’s Frank’s tears, and rips away to dry them with his sleeve. “I’m not, I’m never going to leave you again.” He’s promising, wondering how he can really let him know. “Frankie, when I wake up, it’s you, when I go to bed, it’s you, it’s always you. I want to spend the rest of my life with _you_. ” And Gerard knows 19 is pretty young, that 23’s not much older, but he _knows_ Frank is the one. “Frank, I think I wanna marry you.” Then he can’t hear anything else after that, his pulse putting too much pressure on his ears, but it’s okay, because Frank’s just kissing Gerard again, which probably means he wants to marry him too. 

And then for real, Gerard knows he’s been taken out to sea.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s everything Frank’s ever wanted, like he's a tidal wave washing over him – messy lips and teeth and tongue pressing together.

_September 1998_

When Frank first moves in to his new place, he doesn’t really think much of it. He quickly makes friends with the kid next door, Mikey, and they walk home from the bus stop together after school. But other than that, he only really ever misses his old home when he’s left alone waiting for his mother to get home from work. 

Frank never really asks Mikey if he wants to get the bus to and from school together, it sort of just happens. They live right next door for Christ’s sake, how could it not? So, as Frank sits at the kitchen table, eating his cereal as fast as he can so as not to miss Mikey when he leaves for school, his mother’s telling him so slow down so he can actually chew his food. 

The bus stop isn’t too far, maybe a 10-minute walk and Mikey’s older brother Gerard walks with them too. But Mikey and Gerard don’t really talk to Frank when he tags along, they’re too busy talking about Gerard’s art school – Mikey arguing actually. He’s complaining about how Gerard’s never home anymore so they can’t hang out and play video games, and after Gerard says goodbye – Mikey and Frank on the bus – Frank’s asking if he wants him to come over that afternoon and they can play PlayStation together instead. 

Mikey’s smiling so big, and Frank’s just wondering why he’s never really asked before. 

*  
“He’s like an art major or something. For comic books.” They’re talking about Gerard – Frank’s been asking Mikey what his deal is. 

He’s putting his controller down, it’s the fourth time in a row Mikey’s beaten him in Tekken 3 and honestly Frank’s thinking it’s really not fair. Especially considering Gerard’s just recently bought Mikey the game for his birthday, so he’s been playing it nonstop. “Doesn’t he have any friends? I never really see him hanging out with anyone but you?” It’s not like Frank’s always watching Gerard, it’s just an observation he’s made.

“I dunno, I think I might be his best friend.” Mikey shrugs as his mother walks into the room. She’s telling them it’s probably time for bed – that Gerard called and said he’d be home too late and not to wait up. Frank knows Mikey’s disappointed, so he offers to stay the night. 

Mikey manages to weasel another hour out of his mum, pleads because it’s a Friday and that maybe Gerard _would_ make it home soon and Mikey promised he’d be awake when he did. She shakes her head endearingly and heads off to bed. 

Although, Frank eventually falls asleep on the couch, and soon after, Mikey too. They really do try to stay up late enough, but Frank feels his eyes getting heavy and he shuts them once and he’s out. He wakes up though when someone’s softly rocking his shoulder, a gentle voice telling him that it’s “time for bed, Frankie” and Frank’s able to half-open his eyes and take in Gerard crouching down in front of him. “Hmm can’t just stay here?” He mumbles, feeling Gerard tuck his hair behind his hear and Frank’s heart flutters a little. “Need me to carry you?” Frank hears Gerard ask next, as he scoops him up before Frank even replies. 

Frank nuzzles himself against Gerard’s chest, looking up to watch him. He’s thinking about how Goddamn pretty he is for a boy; how lucky Mikey is to have him as a big brother. He doesn’t want to go to bed, wants to stay up and talk to Gerard, ask him what it’s like being 21 and see if maybe he’d show him some of his drawings. But Gerard just takes him straight to Mikey’s bed where his best friend is already sleeping. 

*  
_October 1st 1998_

On the first day of October, Frank’s sitting at the breakfast bar in Mikey’s kitchen, his mother and Gerard there also. She’s asking Gerard to take Frank and Mikey to the costume store first thing after breakfast. Frank’s noticing how Gerard wants to complain but doesn’t, instead, taking a long sip of his two-sugar-no-milk coffee that Frank definitely doesn’t know off by heart. Absolutely not. “Please, G. We need to get there early before all the good ones are gone!” Mikey pleads, and Gerard just smiles back, gently tussling his brother’s hair. 

On the way back, Mikey’s in the passenger seat, already halfway through a bag of sour worms. “Do you think you could draw some fake tattoos on Frank, G?” And Frank wants to disappear into the fabric of Gerard’s car. “Like, real cool ones, make him look really tough.” He feels himself blushing but when he notices Gerard’s gaze in the review mirror Frank can’t help but smile back. As embarrassed as he is, it would be totally _awesome_ if he would. 

“You wanna look tough, huh? I guess I can see what I can do.” Frank feels his stomach do those silly little flips like they do every time Gerard flashes his smile at him. Or does anything really. 

When they’re back home, Gerard asks Frank to lay down on the couch as he sits cross-legged in front of him with a black sharpie in his hand. “You’re sure your parents won’t kill me?” He’s asking, and Frank hasn’t considered it – is too busy just wanting Gerard to touch his skin already. “I’m not _really_ sure.” It’s the truth, but he hopes Gerard will start drawing anyway. 

Frank feels tingles up his arm every time Gerard’s finger graze his skin, and he’s saying how it tickles but putting it down to the sharpie because there’s no way he can tell him why it really is. When Gerard tells him that it’s done, Frank can’t help but stretch his arms out in front him and look at the two sleeves he’s now got. “Oh my God, I look _awesome_!” He reaches down and wraps his arms around Gerard’s neck and at first, he’s scared Gerard will freeze up, but he just lets Frank hug him a little bit longer. 

“Gerard, can you do our makeup on Halloween? Please?” Frank’s remembering then that Mikey’s in the room and lets go of Gerard. “Frank wants to be a zombie, like from Dawn of the Dead! And I’m gonna go as someone attacked by a werewolf. But not with too much blood, I still want Melissa Keosh to kiss me.” Frank rolls his eyes at that and looks back at Gerard, who’s just smiling. 

*  
_October 31st 1998_

By the time Gerard’s finished with Mikey, he’s got a hectic scratch across his left eye and a gnarly bite mark on the side of his neck and Frank’s honestly so excited for Gerard to get started on him that he’s only managing one word replies to whatever he asks like “still wanna be a zombie, Frankie? Like Dawn of the Dead, huh?” 

“Just do whatever you want.” Frank eventually adds, hoping Mikey doesn’t come back down for a while. Gerard keeps Frank talking, which is nice, because Frank’s a little bit nervous – Gerard all up in his personal space; they’ve never really been _this_ close before and Frank must be feeling all types of confident because the next thing that comes out of his mouth is “you should come to the party” with a shrug. Gerard stops painting and holds Frank’s shoulder down firmly, honestly, it’s sort of controlling and Frank really has to _try_ get his mind out of the gutter as Gerard reminds him to _sit still_. “It’s my birthday.” Frank adds, he tries to persuade him some more. 

Mikey’s already told him Gerard will never come, so he’s not surprised when Gerard replies with a “Oh, I dunno. Parties aren’t really my thing. And besides, I’m a bit older than a bunch of 16-year-olds.” But Frank’s nearly 17, which isn’t really that much younger than 21, so he tells Gerard that. 

“I’ll try make it.” 

“You better.” Frank can’t help but have his bottom lip caught in his teeth, he doesn’t mean to flirt but Gerard’s just so Goddamn attractive, Frank can’t not try. “Can I look now? Please?” He breaks Gerard’s silence. 

After Frank’s seen himself in the bathroom mirror, he can’t stop smiling. He looks fucking rad, and he keeps thanking Gerard. “What about you? What are you gonna dress up as?” He asks, and Gerard tells him he’ll probably be like a vampire or something, and Frank knows he’ll look good no matter what. 

*

“Dude, all I’m sayin is – if you wanna kiss my brother, don’t do it in front of me.” Mikey fake gags, smirking to let Frank know he’s only playing. 

“I don’t wanna kiss your brother!” Frank regrets letting the drinks his mother has let him have – _in moderation_ – go to his head. He wants to tell Mikey that he doesn’t know what he wants to do, but Melissa Keosh is standing nearby and Frank can see how desperate Mikey is to talk to her. “Just go.” He rolls his eyes, hearing Mikey call a “thanks, birthday boy!” over his shoulder as he walks over to her. Now Frank makes his way back over to the fridge, snagging himself another beer and checking in with his mum before he’s back out in the lounge room changing the song on the record player he set up for the night. 

“Aren’t you a bit too young to be having a drink?” Frank spins around at the voice, and a smile spreads across his face. “I didn’t know you liked the Misfits?” 

Frank looks down at his shirt, eyebrows then raising up at Gerard, and maybe Gerard really doesn’t care too much about him, because he knows for a fact Mikey has told him that. “My mum said I can have one drink.” Frank’s explaining again how it’s his birthday and Gerard just responds with a half bored “where’s Mikey?” 

“Oh, he’s with Melissa. Yeah, guess she has a thing for werewolves.” Frank fills in, trying to think of anything to keep the conversation going. “Do you wanna go outside?” Frank throws his thumb over his shoulder which he wishes he could take back – it’s not like Gerard doesn’t know where _outside_ is. But Gerard shrugs and agrees anyway, following Frank outside to sit on some chairs in the corner of his backyard. 

“You know, you don’t have to be here if you don’t want to.” Frank’s trying to be cool, but his leg’s all bouncy and he’s really quite nervous. “I know hanging out with kids isn’t really all that _cool_.” He’s not trying to act older than he is, he just wants to let Gerard know he can leave any time he wants – it’s not like he lives very far. 

Gerard laughs and Frank’s worried he’s laughing _at_ him but then he tells him how Mikey’s said he’s pretty cool, gives him a little smile even, and Frank’s stomach is doing those Goddamn backflips. 

“Yeah but you’re like, _older-brother-cool_. I’m just, little-brother’s-annoying-best-friend-cool.” 

“Nah, I think you’re plain-old-regular-cool.” Gerard’s saying next, which makes Frank blush a little – he’s grateful that it’s dark. 

“I’d rather hang out with you, though. You’re much nicer and way cooler than anyone in there. Even better than Mikey.” Frank smirks. “You never laugh when I say dumb shit, and always help Mikey and me with our homework, and you even put me into bed when I fall asleep.” Frank hopes he’s not giving away the massive crush he thinks he has on his best friend’s brother.

But Gerard doesn’t respond, just sort of looks at Frank blankly, and Frank looks back – his mind screaming from embarrassment and hating himself for even thinking Gerard could ever like him. 

“Frank! Frankie! Oh, hey G!?” Mikey comes crashing through the sliding door then, and Frank could kiss _him_ for saving him from his embarrassment, but he’s got fake red blood smeared all over his face so he’d rather not. “Dude. _Melissa_. She wants me to take her home.” He’s boasting, this crazy smile plastered across his face. “And get this. She said I can _stay the night_. Dude, I’m gonna get laid!”

Frank’s trying to hold in his laughter, watching between Mikey, Gerard and where Melissa is standing at the door. He gives her a small wave and she returns it. “Mikes, Mikey, are you drunk? Is _she_ drunk?” And Frank doesn't deny he loves how protective he gets. 

“What? No! G, can’t you just be cool for once?” And Frank wishes he could just tell Gerard how cool he actually thinks he is. “Just cover for me, tell mum and dad I’m staying at Frank’s tonight. Please, dude?” Mikey doesn’t even have to ask Frank to know he’ll cover for him. 

Gerard makes Mikey pinky promise that they’ll be safe and use protection, to which Mikey just replies “you’re so embarrassing” before wishing Frank another happy birthday and giving him a sorry-for-bailing-hug before leaving with Melissa.

Frank wishes he was as confident as Mikey, then maybe he could ask Gerard to stay the night. “Mikey’s so cool. All the girls love him.” He can’t help but mumble. “I’m gonna go get another drink. You can go home if you want.” Frank’s already worried he’s boring Gerard, so doesn’t wanna keep him too much longer – he’s sure he’s got assignments to do. 

“I can stay.” And Frank doesn’t even try to stop the huge smile that spreads across his face at that and quickly asks if he wants another drink. 

After his next drink, Frank’s a bit drunk. He knows this because his mum has told him “that’s the last one.” So, he drags Gerard upstairs because he really wants to show him the new Watchmen comic he got for his birthday. He thinks he’d like it. 

“But anyway, they’re all the ones I have at the moment. Maybe when I get a job I can buy some more.” Frank’s sure Gerard’s probably got ten times the comics he has, but he’s still proud of the ones he’s got. “Do you wanna go back downstairs?” He hopes it’s not too obvious that he’d really rather stay. 

“We can do whatever you want. It’s your birthday.” Gerard just shrugs, and Frank speaks before he can think, letting Gerard know that he kinda wants to kiss him, and holy shit Frank thinks he might vomit. 

“Frank. Please don’t.” And that just about kills Frank, it’s not like Frank’s _gay_ , he just feels the urge to kiss Gerard like he’s seen couples do in the movies. “Why not?” He can’t help but ask. “I’m not a kid you know.” He adds, just in case if that’s the reason why. “I’m 17 now.” Frank’s taken a few steps closer to Gerard, having to look up to meet his eyes. 

“And you’re also drunk.” Gerard says, matter of fact, and Frank feels his heart sink. “Frank, you can’t say stuff like that. Do you know how old I am? How much trouble you’d get me in? You’re _too young_.” 

Frank’s shying away now, he doesn’t want to get Gerard in trouble, he only wants to kiss him, just to see what it’d be like. Gerard’s always been so nice to him and now he’s being all stern. God, Frank hates himself, as if he’d ever be cool enough for Gerard, anyway. This whole costume party is probably so lame in eyes, and Frank’s already made him stay for way longer than he wanted to. And now he’s drunk and made a complete fool of himself, and he can’t hear anything but the blood rushing to his head and he thinks he’s gonna – 

“I think I’m gonna be sick.” Frank actually throws up on the floor then, mainly catching it in his hands, and honestly there’s not that much, but Gerard quickly walks him to the bathroom.

“Frankie, you should probably take a shower, or at least change your shirt.” 

Frank’s not sure what to do. He can’t just strip now, in front of Gerard, after he’s just rejected him. So, he washes his hands and splashes some water on his face. “You think I’m just some dumb kid.” 

Gerard’s toying with his lip, like he wants to say something, but he doesn’t. 

“Look, Mikey’s my best friend. Please, don’t tell him about this. The kiss thing I mean.” Frank clarifies, he doesn’t care about the being sick. “Just-”

“It’s cool.” Gerard says, all nonchalant. “I mean, no big deal. Just a misunderstanding.” 

*  
_December 1998_

“Frank, so you wanna come with us or not?” 

Frank’s laying in his bed, playing video games like he has been for the past month or two. He spends most of his weekends like this now, since his birthday anyway. Mikey and Melissa are official, so he’s never around – always at her house and even when they’re at school Melissa is perched on Mikey’s lap so Frank can’t get a word in between the kisses they’re giving each other. 

“Nah, think I’ll just stay here.” 

Mikey rolls his eyes, like he _knows_ the reason he’s not getting out of bed but doesn’t want to acknowledge it. Then he’s gone and Frank can finally put his controller down and stop pretending like he actually wants to play this stupid game anyway. 

He eventually wanders his way out to the kitchen, his mother reading through a recipe book with her finger running across the lines. “Frankie.” She doesn’t even look up when he enters. “We’re out of eggs.” 

“Eggs?” Frank echoes, wondering why he should care. 

“I’m baking a cherry pie – for the parish. But we need an egg.” 

“ _One_ egg.” 

Ma finally looks up now, a hand on her hip and shakes her head. “Frankie, just go next door and ask to borrow one egg, please.” 

“Borrow? What, you gonna give it back?” Frank leaves after his mother glares him down – sulking his way next door. 

He’s welcomed in right away when Mrs Way opens the door. He wishes she didn’t, just left him there and returned with the egg – but she’s fussing over how she hasn’t seen Frank around recently and wants to know what he’s been up to. 

“Gerard, Frankie’s here.” She coos, twirling into the kitchen. 

Gerard looks up from where he’s hunched over the meals table, drawing in a sketch a book. He looks back down as if he doesn’t even know who Frank is and then turns to a new blank page. 

“Don’t mind him, he’s busy filling out his portfolio. Darling, did you tell Frank about your internship at the Cartoon Network?” She calls out to Gerard. 

“Uh, yeah, I got an internship at the Cartoon Network.” He responds. “For next year.” 

“Moving to the big city!” Mrs Way sounds so proud. 

Frank feels his heart in his stomach and his stomach in his toes – what, was Gerard just going to leave and not tell him? “Oh cool.” But it’s not cool, only Frank doesn’t know how to tell him that. “Real happy for you, man.” 

“Yeah, should be cool. Get away from here for a bit.” 

*  
_March 1999_

“Annnnd, that’ll be $5.95, please.” 

Frank’s fishing out some crumpled-up notes from his pockets and places them on the counter of the video store. “Sorry.” 

The cashier smiles – she always does whenever Frank’s talking to her, he’s noticed – and just tells him not to worry. “Hey!” She’s calling after Frank when he’s nearly out the door. “Let me know if you need any more recommendations. I’ve seen basically every horror movie we stock.”

Frank’s looking down at the slashers he’s got in his hands, his other still pressed against the glass door holding it open. Then he’s looking back at the girl, Jamia her name tag says. He likes the way her long black hair always frames her face, the way her eyelashes seem to curl without any mascara, and how her painted black fingernails are always chipped. “Really?” He’s commenting, taking a step back into the store. “You live around here? Maybe you could bring me a couple, we could watch them together?” 

*  
_June 1999_

Frank only feels a little bad that he’s not going to Mikey’s graduation; he guesses they sort of aren’t as close as they used to be when they were younger any more. Mikey’s always had Melissa anyway and Frank now has Jamia. Although, Mikey and Melissa have recently broken up so Frank’s wondering if maybe he should actually go – especially considering he knows Gerard won’t show. 

“Baby, you don’t have any obligation to go.” Jamia’s cuddled up next to Frank, hand under his shirt to lightly tickle his stomach. 

“Yeah, but.” Frank sighs. “I dunno…I feel like I should be there for him, yanno?” 

“Why?” Jamia sits up, leaning over Frank now. “He wasn’t there for you. When you needed him, yanno?” 

Frank guesses that’s true. Melissa took up all of Mikey’s time and now that they’re not together, he can’t expect Frank to just pick up where they left off. 

“Besides, I have a much better idea.” She’s smirking, sliding down Frank and hands playing with his belt. 

“Oh yeah?” 

* 

“Frankie! Can you get that?” Frank hears his mother calling from the kitchen. 

He heaves himself up off his bed with a sigh, not bothering to fix up any of his messy bed hair, pulling Jamia along with him. “Probably Mikey.” He explains, pulling the door open. 

“What are you doing?” 

Frank’s standing there dumbfounded, breath is stuck in his throat. “Uh – hi Gerard?” He just says, because there’s the love of his life standing in front of him, who he hasn’t seen in more than six months, but he’s also got the girl of his dreams standing right behind him, too. 

“I leave for six months, and you and Mikey not friends anymore or something, huh?” 

“Jesus, what the fuck?” Frank’s not expecting that so he tells Jamia to wait inside and gives a kiss on her forehead while stepping out the door. “You’re right, you _did_ leave for six months, so you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.” 

“Do you know how much Mikey cares about you? And what, you suddenly get a _girlfriend_ and forget all about him?”

Frank feels his heart sting at that, to hear those words come out of his mouth. He wants to lie and say she’s not his girlfriend, that he’d leave her in a heartbeat if Gerard just asked him to. But then he’s thinking about how Gerard’s never really cared about him and how Jamia actually does, so he’s set on defending her. “You done?” He’s folding his arms. “If you really want to know, not that Mikey would ever admit it, but _he’s_ the one who got a girlfriend first. _He’s_ the one who forgot about _me_.” Gerard’s just stands there, staring at Frank, so he continues. “So did you. You move to New York and just forget about Mikey? Forget about me? I guess I’m just _too young_ for you to care about, huh?” Frank’s heart is jackhammering, he’s honestly wanted to say something like this to Gerard ever since that night on his birthday. So, before Gerard can reply, Frank’s back inside, slamming the door in Gerard’s face.

*  
_September 2000_

Frank’s tried so hard to forget about everything that is Gerard, so much so that he’s been living out of home for the better part of the year just so he didn’t even have to see Mikey. He’s got Jamia now, they’re renting a dorm together and she’s really everything Frank’s ever wanted. She’s always there no matter what, is so proud of everything Frank’s achieved and most importantly, she’s not Gerard. 

But now he’s come back for the weekend to visit his parents and when he sees Mikey and his older brother standing in their driveway, looking perplexed over a car that Frank’s sure isn’t Mikey’s, and he can’t stop his stomach from doing those familiar summersaults. 

“That yours?” He asks, to no one in particular; he doesn’t want to address Gerard directly – he’s too embarrassed. 

“Uh, yeah. Just picked it up today.”

“You take it for a drive yet?” And Frank’s not even going to pretend he doesn’t notice the way Gerard’s eyes wander all over his body – up and down his arms, taking in his full sleeves of tattoos, and it sort of makes Frank feel good. 

“Only to get it home.” Gerard shrugs. “You wanna drive it?” He’s asking next, and Frank wasn’t expecting that. 

So, after Mikey shuts the hood, explaining how he’s got some _things_ inside he’s gotta do, Frank’s agreeing and being thrown the keys. 

He can’t help but rev the engine and grip the wheel when he gets in. But it’s mainly to stop himself from doing anything else with his hands, because he’s sure if they weren’t on the wheel they’d be on Gerard. 

The whole quick drive Frank’s willing himself to not say something stupid or to give it away how intensely his heart is beating for Gerard. They drive in complete silence until Frank pulls them back into Gerard’s driveway and they’re sitting silently in the car. “So, you moving back home?” He’s killing the engine as he asks. 

“Yeah, just for a bit, I figured. Been working for a while now, need Mikey to keep me sane again. What about you, how’s college going? Heard you’re a big-time scholarship kid now.” Gerard’s nudging Frank’s shoulder with his own as he says it. “Any plans to move out anytime soon?” 

Frank can’t help the thrill he gets when he sees Gerard’s face at the mention of Jamia’s name – how they’ve moved out together and he’s just back visiting his parents. He makes a joke about sharing the study load which Gerard just replies to with “So, you’re _still_ together?” 

Frank’s offended by that, like Gerard assumes it was just some silly little fling – that Frank’s too young to have a serious relationship. “Why’s it always such a big deal to you, huh? She’s always been around for me. When Mikey was too busy. When you were gone.”

“If I knew you wanted to stay friends, I would have made an effort, you know?” Gerard just counters, which Frank can’t help but scoff at. 

“ _Friends_? G, I think it’s pretty obvious I was fucking in love with you.” It feels good to say it, Frank’s heart beating a mile a minute with how nervous he is. “Don’t worry – I know, I was _young_ and looking for _trouble_. It’s fine now.” He gets out of the car without a response, slamming the door then scowls his way back over to his parent’s house. 

He mopes around and says it’s nothing when his mother asks him what’s wrong. Because honestly, Frank’s not really sure. He has Jamia, Gerard’s been gone. He knows shouldn’t still be in love with someone from when he was 16 years old. 

*  
_October 31st 2000_

“It’s fine.” Frank’s saying through gritted teeth. “If you gotta work, then you gotta work.” 

“Babe, you know Derek will hate me if I don’t turn up!” 

“Oh, so _Derek’s_ gonna be there?” That sends Frank over the edge – he’s all Jamia’s been talking about lately since they partnered up in lab. 

“God! Why’s it always such a big deal to you!?” Jamia’s slamming Frank’s bedroom door and he knows she’s gone but doesn’t even bother going after her. 

When Frank rocks up to the party he’s been invited to, his mood’s not any better. But he quickly spots Mikey trying to hook up with Sexy Cat Girl, and that at least puts a smile on his face. Gerard’s there too he notices, and he knows he should just walk away, to not punish Jamia like this, but she’s probably off with Derek anyway so Frank thinks she deserves it. 

“I told you all the girls love him.” He breaks the ice, sitting down next to Gerard. “Didn’t I?” 

“Uh, yeah, like at your 17th birthday.” Gerard just says before wishing Frank a happy birthday. 

Frank can’t help his smile – it’s cute that Gerard remembers, so he’s saying thank you and nudging him with his shoulder a little and the next thing he hears is “Where’s Jamia?” 

He wishes Gerard didn’t ask, he’s just trying to forget about her for the night and enjoy his birthday, but he’s then explaining how she couldn’t get work off, and he’s not really sure why he adds that she _really_ tried, because Frank’s sure that she didn’t. But it doesn’t matter anyway, because Frank’s sure Gerard’s not listening, his eyes wandering all over his body again, falling to the scorpion tattoo on his neck. “Gerard? You listening? You okay?” 

Then Frank’s being dragged by his hand off the couch and around the corner. He’s pulled into the first room they come to and Frank’s heart is thumping in his chest. Then he’s being pushed up against the closed door, Gerard bringing their lips together. And it’s everything Frank’s ever wanted, like he's a tidal wave washing over him – messy lips and teeth and tongue pressing together. Everything just feels so fucking right, their bodies locked together, breaths syncing, Gerard’s knee slotting in between Frank’s thighs. 

But then Frank’s thinking about Jamia, and how although he wants this more than anything he’s ever wanted, he doesn’t want it like this. So, he pulls away. “Stop. We can’t do this.”

“Why not? You’re 19 now, Frank.” Frank has to physically hold Gerard back to stop himself from meeting his lips when he tries to reconnect them. 

“I have a girlfriend, Gerard.” He says it like he means it, although Frank wishes that it wasn’t true. 

“I wanted to kiss you at your 17th birthday.” Frank’s hearing then, and he feels this sickly feeling in his stomach because his whole life he’s been trying to forget that moment. “Before then even, but you were just so young.”

“You asked me not to, though?” Frank’s still holding him back, and he can’t stop his eyes from wandering all over Gerard’s perfect body. He wants to take him home, to take him to bed and explore all of his everything. 

“Because I’m stupid. I’m fucking stupid. I thought if you kissed me, I wouldn’t be able to stop, but I don’t ever want to stop.” 

And Frank has to give in to that, the words sounding like everything he ever wanted to hear. He lets Gerard join their lips together, their tongues sliding perfectly into each other’s mouths. And Frank has to pull away again, too quickly, to stop himself from taking this too far. “G, I’m sorry. I just – you weren’t there. When I needed you. She was. I wanted this more than anything, and it’s, you’re too late.” He can’t let himself get hurt again, he needs to work on what he has; he’s trying to convince himself that it’s really Jamia that he wants, not this. 

Gerard’s on his knees then, pleading, hands locked together as he tries not to cry. _I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry_ just spills out over and over again. Frank _has_ to bury his hands into Gerard’s hair, pulling gently on the strands, wanting more than anything to take him like this right here and now. “Please, don’t let me do this.” He begs too, wishing more than anything to be 17 again.

After a few more pleading seconds, Gerard’s finally standing up, eyes all red, and tells Frankie to please go. 

*  
_December 24th 2000_

Frank’s sitting on the couch, been waiting for his Ma – she’s meant to be picking him up so they can spend Christmas together. It’s his first one without Jamia, and he’s not sure how it’ll be, but he’s just happy to be back home with family. 

Frank’s up on his feet as soon as there’s a knock at the door, pulling it open with a huge smile that quickly turns to surprise when he’s met face to face with Gerard. “Hello?” Frank eventually invites him inside, after the shock has worn off. 

They haven’t seen each other since Halloween, and Frank can’t even look at Gerard with the amount he’s fantasied about when Gerard kissed him and what he wished they did. He’s telling Gerard to sit down, making him his two-sugar-no-milk coffee while Gerard asks “Where’s Jamia?” 

Frank’s awkwardly explaining how they aren’t together now, how they’re going through some shit – leaving out how _some shit_ happens to be a guy named Derek. Frank’s talking a bit more, and he’s noticing how Gerard’s off daydreaming again – like he always does, so he takes the chance to set the record straight. “Look, I think we should talk.” 

Gerard speaks first after that, explaining how he still wishes that he had a hold on Frank like he used to, like how Frank has on him now and Frank’s heart stops beating for a moment when Gerard’s saying “I think I’m in love with you. I think I fell in love with you the first time I saw you.” Then Frank’s trying to think back to when that was – when he first moved in, and how Frank _knows_ he fell in love with Gerard then too. “And I know I fucked up, that I’m too late, and that you love someone else-” 

Frank has to speak up then, finally shaking his head and using a hand to turn Gerard’s face towards him. “It’s still you. Always been you. And I’ve been wishing, that you’d let me go, _begging_ that you’d let me go, but now I’m not sure if I still want you to.” He’s got his eyes shut, pleading with himself not to cry. 

“I won’t, I _can’t_ , especially if you don’t want me to. Whatever you want, Frankie. I just want whatever you want.” Gerard’s leaning his forehead on Frank’s then, and Frank just doesn’t even want to hold back anymore.

“I kinda wanna kiss you.” Frank’s saying, closing the gap with a kiss, Although, it’s not just any type of kiss, it’s a _I’ve been in love with you all my life_ type of kiss, and Gerard’s giving it back just as hard, because it’s all he wants to do. 

Frank’s being pushed back down onto the couch then, Gerard crawling on top of him with their lips staying locked the whole time. He can feel Gerard’s tongue exploring every part of Frank’s mouth. “I fucking love you.” He hears Gerard saying into the kiss, repeating it so many times. “Frank, I fucking love you.”

Frank’s smiling back into the kiss, because it’s like his whole life he’s been waiting for Gerard to say that to him, hoping and praying this won’t ever stop. “I fucking love you, too.” He’s replying, letting Gerard’s hands finally touch against his stomach as he slides his shirt up. And fuck it feels so good – like Gerard’s hands were made for this, made for _Frank_. “Just don’t ever leave me again.” Frank’s pleading, scared that now he’s got what he’s always wanted, Gerard will be taken away. He can’t help the tears rolling down his face – it’s overwhelming, it’s everything he’s ever wanted, all happening at once.

“I’m not, I’m never going to leave you again.” Frank’s hearing him promising. “Frankie, when I wake up, it’s you, when I go to bed, it’s you, it’s always you. I want to spend the rest of my life with _you_. ”

Frank’s sniffling a little, rubbing his nose against Gerard’s as he goes in for another kiss – like he can’t get enough. 

“Frank, I think I wanna marry you.” 

Frank’s feeling like all of his insides are electric and wishes he hadn’t wasted time with anyone else because he knows Gerard is the one. So, he’s kissing Gerard again. And again, and again. Wanting nothing more than to marry him too. 

And then for real, Frank knows he’s taken him out to sea.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so sorry if I have any of the school dates mixed up, American schooling is way different to Australian - but I tried!!


End file.
